Living with an Alcoholic

Living with an alcoholic can be exhausting and confusing. Some days are calm, but you may constantly be anxious regarding your loved one’s alcohol use. However, there are ways that you can cope and ways that you can help your loved one with their drinking problem.

Recognising Alcoholism in the Home

Living with an alcoholic spouse, parent, or family member can lead to a variety of concerns. A 2016 study that interviewed 30 wives of alcoholic patients in treatment indicated that they struggled with emotional turmoil and even physical violence.

However, it’s not always easy to tell when someone has gone from social drinking to alcohol use disorder, even when you live with them. Alcoholism can sometimes be subtle, and some alcoholics may take strides to hide their habits, or they may be functioning alcoholics whose behaviour never raises suspicion.

Physical and Behavioural Indicators

Alcoholism can have physical and behavioural effects on a person. You might spot weight changes, more frequent illnesses, or they may stop taking care of themselves. Bloodshot eyes, slurred words, or a loss of coordination are all effects of alcohol.

Your loved one may also have mood swings. They could be cheerful one minute and angry the next, or perhaps they start pulling away from the family. Money may also start disappearing, or you notice secret spending and neglected chores. Over time, these changes can affect the stability of your home.

Denial and Concealment

Many people with alcohol problems often deny there’s an issue. They might hide bottles, downplay how much they’re drinking, or insist they could stop drinking anytime they wanted to.

Sometimes, they’ll blame others or make excuses for their drinking. They may say they’re only drinking because of work or stress. Spotting these behaviours matters because the problem isn’t just the drinking, it’s also the dishonesty that comes with hiding the problem.

Challenges of Living with an Alcoholic

Living with an alcoholic can take a toll on your mental health, your finances, your social life, and your physical wellbeing if your loved one becomes belligerent or violent when they’re intoxicated. Some of the challenges you may face include:

Mental Health Consequences

The constant unpredictability of an alcoholic’s moods and behaviour can make you anxious and always on alert. Over time, that kind of stress can evolve into depression, sleep issues, or even complex trauma.

Children, especially, can be confused, guilty, or scared. Growing up in this kind of environment deteriorates their self-esteem and makes it hard to handle emotions later on. Adults, meanwhile, often feel powerless in the face of a loved one’s addiction.

Financial and Legal Strain

Living with an alcoholic can affect your finances. Money that should go to rent, food, or bills might end up spent on alcohol instead. If your loved one loses a job or can’t keep steady work, you might find yourself juggling debt or facing instability.

You may end up covering missed payments or picking up extra work to stay afloat financially. Legal trouble is another risk. DUIs, fights, or public intoxication can mean fines or court cases. That kind of financial pressure can lead to resentment and create lasting problems.

Effects on Relationships and Family Dynamics

Trust can become unstable when promises are broken or lies about drinking add up. You might feel angry, let down, or just tired, especially if your partner keeps drinking, no matter how much it hurts you.

Children sometimes get pushed into adult roles, taking care of siblings or running the house if they have an alcoholic parent. This kind of role swap can impact their development and leave emotional scars that last. This can happen even when the other parent is sober, as the sober parent may have to deal with their partner’s alcoholism or even enable it.

Families often pull away from friends or social gatherings to keep a loved one’s alcoholism hidden. That isolation makes it harder to get help or maintain friendships that could be a potential source of support. 

Coping Strategies and Self-Care

Because the effects of living with an alcoholic can be widespread, it is important to learn how to cope. Some of the ways to cope when you’re living with an alcoholic loved one include:

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are important when dealing with an alcoholic loved one. Maybe that means locking your bedroom door if you’re not sharing a bed, keeping your bank account separate, or simply refusing to argue when your loved one is drunk.

Be clear and calm when you communicate these boundaries. You might say you won’t lend money or allow alcohol in shared spaces. And if those boundaries get crossed, adhere to the consequences you’ve set.

Having Your Own Life

It’s important for you to have a life outside of the home. This means having friends or hobbies. This can give you temporary relief from a loved one’s alcoholism. Having friends can also mean having emotional support.

Prioritising Personal Safety

Your safety comes first. If things become verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, have an emergency plan. Know where you could go on short notice: a friend’s place, a shelter, or any other safe place to stay.

Keep a bag of essentials ready and, if you can, some money hidden away. Being prepared means you can get out quickly if your home life devolves, which can happen quickly with alcoholism.

Let someone you trust know about what you’re facing so they can help if you need it. Having a plan and a support network can make all the difference if you need to get away quickly.

Avoiding Enabling

It’s easy to slip into enabling without realising what you’re doing. Covering for missed work, lending money, or making excuses might feel like helping, but it actually does the opposite. Try not to give financial help, don’t drink with them, and don’t hide the truth from others. 

Don’t take on responsibilities that aren’t yours, like cleaning up after drinking binges or getting them out of legal trouble. This will only pull you deeper into a person’s alcoholism.

Saying no to enabling protects your mental health and encourages your loved one to face the consequences or even seek professional treatment. It might not cause instant change, but it keeps you from getting pulled further into unhealthy behavioural patterns.

Supporting an Alcoholic Loved One

Trying to support someone who’s struggling with alcohol is complicated. You want to help, but you also need to protect yourself and set boundaries that keep you safe. 

How to Help an Alcoholic

You can’t force someone to quit, but you can encourage them to make healthier choices and seek help.  Suggest seeing a GP, joining a support group like Alcoholics Anonymous, or looking into treatment options. 

Approaching Intervention

Sometimes, if your loved one won’t accept help, an intervention might be the next step. The idea isn’t to ambush them, but to calmly lay out your concerns. Planning is key to success, and you may consider getting a professional or a counsellor involved.

Have specific examples of when alcoholism affected you ready; missed work, family fights, health scares.  Pick your time carefully. Try to talk when they’re sober and more likely to actually listen. Avoid shouting or blaming; those usually make people defensive and less open to seeking treatment.

Communicating Effectively

Talking things through can help ease the tension and open the door to change. Keep your tone calm and avoid arguments when alcohol is involved. Waiting until your loved one is sober gives you a better chance at being heard.

Use “I” statements instead of blaming. It keeps the conversation focused on your feelings, not just their actions. Let them talk, as well. Listening doesn’t mean you agree with their choices, but it does help build trust.

Addiction Treatment and Recovery Options

There’s professional help available for alcohol addiction, structured alcohol detox and rehab programmes, medical care, community services, and family therapy. The right path depends on how serious the drinking is, what you need for your health, and what kind of support you have at home.

Substance Abuse Treatment Programmes

Inpatient and outpatient treatment programmes are designed to help people cut down or quit drinking, with options to fit different situations. Most programmes offer counselling, group therapy, and behavioural therapies that get to the root of alcohol misuse.

You’ll also pick up coping skills to handle cravings and avoid a relapse. A lot of rehab programmes combine professional detox with therapy, education, and aftercare to avoid relapse. 

Get Help for Yourself and Your Loved One

Living with an alcoholic partner, family member, or parent can affect every aspect of your life. You can face mental, physical, and emotional difficulties as your loved one faces alcoholism. But we can offer help for you and your loved one so you can both put alcoholism in the past.